Not a lot happens at the Old Orchard Mall around 2:25am.  Aside from the shivering, it is aggressively quiet.  The movie theater lobby is locked down so I must wait outside, wasting time scanning windows about eyebrow threading and Henna treatments.  Then, I noticed the down escalator inside the theater start up and within three minutes, I’m a gray haired rock in a massive stream of texting, jabbering, teens, all abusing their cicadian rhythms to be the first to watch New Moon.
I didn’t see the movie, but according to the parts of the conversation I could decipher during the drive home, I learned eight things.

1. Taylor Lautner is hot.
2. Robert Pattinson’s abs were painted on and not convincing.
3. The werewolf effects were cheesy.
4. The acting was better in this movie than the last one.
5. They stayed too true to the book.
6. Every female character’s name seems to end in an ‘a’—Jessica, Bella, Angela…
7. Either Emmet or Quil has ‘moobs’
8. Dakota Fanning wore too much make-up/Dakota Fanning didn’t wear too much make-up

If your considering seeing this movie, I hope these insights prove helpful.  You’re welcome.


Dennis Ryan